It can feel lonely. It shouldn’t. That’s why my husband asked me to guest write this on his blog. Being left with nothing to hold but a test with two lines. Or a black and white image of a flicker, now stilled. Or whatever is the first and last tangible evidence of your lost child. It can be horribly isolating.
One in four mothers will experience miscarriage. Though the numbers are overwhelming, it’s seemingly one of the last unmentioned topics in a culture where we talk about most everything. If it is mentioned it’s often with dismissal and uncomfortable platitudes.
It’s understandable this discomfort. In a world where we are a Google search away from most any answer, the unanswerable grows more and more frightening. We want to fix, we want to do, we want to prevent.
Grief is often silent, personal and ever changing. What do you say to that? Why would you place someone in the uncomfortable position of having to respond to a pain you yourself don’t understand? This is why I rarely speak of my miscarriages.
I have had 3. All very different. All filled with emotional, physical and spiritual pain. I in no way have experienced the worst of pregnancy loss. This is another reason I have been hesitant to share my experiences. It could be so much worse, my pain could be greater and perhaps the largest reason of all is I feel the incredible blessing of holding three children in my arms right now. How could I be entitled to mourn and speak of something so many others have walked through much later in pregnancy or have had to repeat over and over and over again in staggering numbers. I have only had 3 losses. I have had 3 sucessful pregnancies. I don’t really deserve to greave.
But I do. You do too. I am writing this to hold out a branch if there is another mother swirling in the murky waters of guilt over grieving, feeling alone or just afraid they will be judged in their “not being ok”.
My latest loss was ectopic. It was in the ER, doubled over in pain, that I first learned I was pregnant. The love, hope and dreams of my child were as immediate as they were the previous times I saw a positive test. Though I was told I was pregnant in one breath and the next breath proclaimed it a non-viable pregnancy, me falling in love with my child was instant and never a non-viable love.
With each of my losses I have struggled with a recurrent feeling. I could never honestly comfort myself, as I should have been able, with the thought of my child waiting for me in heaven.
I am a believer, saved by grace with my name written in the book of life. I will go to heaven and I believe my babies will too. However, I couldn’t curl up comfortably with just the knowledge we will all be in heaven one day.
I was given a dream of mothering my child here on earth. Mothers want this from the minute of conception. It’s who we are. The things of God are a mystery, suffering is not spared from the faithful and this world is not our home. Yes, I know this, but honestly felt turmoil with what should have brought peace.
I have pressed into this turmoil this time rather than ignoring it. I have come to believe a possibility that is a comfort. I will mother and live with these lost babies not just in heaven but here on this earth during the thousand year reign of Christ, known as the Millennial Kingdom.
I will turn this over to my husband now. Though miscarriage is spoken of perhaps too rarely in terms of the mother and her feelings. It is without a doubt a significant slight to overlook the father’s feelings. His feelings and pain are often as acute as the mothers in instances of pregnancy loss. It is through his pain and prayer that he found this hope and was able to share it with me. I will turn his blog back over to him now to share what I pray will bring comfort to you as well.
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I am a Father of Six. Three of them I see everyday and they are an amazing blessing that I am so thankful for. I praise the Lord that I get to parent, nurture and be part of their lives each day. The other three I have not seen yet. However, I know they are alive right now and I will absolutely see them one day. In fact, not only will I see them one day, but I will wrap my arms around them, I will physically touch them, I will talk to them, I will tell them I love you. I will spend time with them. They are not just a spiritual thought, but they are truly alive. We are just living apart right now. I know this is true and I have this hope and comfort from the Word of God.
When does life begin?
The big question that many ask is when does life begin? Does it happen at six weeks, six months, when the cord is cut? Or, does life begin at conception? If we go to the Bible, then we know the answer is conception. Life begins at conception. From the Bible, we learn that we are all three part beings. We are: Soul, Spirit, Body. (1Thes 5:23) Your soul and spirit are who you are, your intellect, mind, senses, etc. Our Body is the physical flesh that we all see today. Our physical body will one day die, but our soul and spirit will leave that body and remain alive forever. The soul and spirit are eternal.
So how do we know that life begins at conception? Let’s start with some supporting verses and then end with a strong confirmation.
Let’s start with this. In Genesis 25:21 we learn that Rebekah conceived. Immediately in verse 22 the “conception” is now called “children”. The Bible is telling us that what was conceived is not simply matter in the womb, but they are already “children”.
In Luke 1:43, Jesus is in the womb of Mary, and Elizabeth calls her “mother of my Lord” while still pregnant. The term mother is only used for someone who has a child.
In Luke 1:44, the Gospel writer Luke (who is a medical doctor) uses the greek word “brephos” when he refers to John the Baptist in the womb of Elizabeth. That same greek word is used later in the New Testament when referring to infants, and children who have already been born. So Luke, the doctor, calls the living being in the womb a “child”.
In Luke 1:15, the angel tell’s Zechariah that his child (John the Baptist) will be filled with the Holy Spirit even in the womb. This was fulfilled in Luke 1:41 when Mary (who was pregnant with Jesus) came to visit Elizabeth. In order for John the Baptist to be filled with the Holy Spirit in the womb, he has to have a spirit first. So this tell us that the living being in the womb of Elizabeth already has a living, eternal spirit even though his physical body is still growing in the womb.
All of those scriptures support the idea that life begins at conception. However, is there anything else that truly confirms this? I believe there is. Let’s go to the book of Job.
In Job 3:16-17 as Job is lamenting over his current situation in life he says “Or why was I not as a hidden stillborn child, as infants who never see the light?” In verse 17 he says “….and there the weary are at rest.” Essentially, Job is saying, I wish I had been a miscarriage or died before I came out of the womb because then I could be “at rest”. He is saying that “He” was in that womb, not just cells or matter, and “He” wanted to leave and go to a placed called “rest”. Throughout the Bible “rest” is a reference to Heaven, which brings us to the next part of this.
Where are those lost children today?
So far, the Bible has shown us that life begins at conception. We also know that with life comes a soul and spirit which will live forever. Whether it’s a miscarriage, abortion, infant death, etc, those children are not lost. Their physical bodies are not here, but their souls and spirits are alive today. So where are they?
Job 3:17 tells us they are alive in Heaven. (the term “at rest” being heaven). David confirms this as well. After Bathseba gave birth their child died. However, David knew where his child was.
2 Samuel 12:23, David says “but now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.”
David is saying, he’s not coming back to me, but one day I’m going to go to him in Heaven. Jesus give us further confirmation in Matthew 19:14.
Matthew 19:14 - but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” A miscarried, aborted, or infant child has no awareness of sin (Rom7:9), so therefore they belong to the kingdom of heaven.
Tied all together, we know from the Bible that life begins at conception and a miscarriage, abortion or lost infant is alive in Heaven today.
How will I see, touch, and talk to them?
Lets start by talking about everyone who is alive in Heaven today. We know from the Bible that one day Jesus will physically return to this earth and setup a Kingdom where He physically rules for 1000 years. (There are many references to this but some are – John 14:3, Acts 1:6-11, Rev 19-20, Zech 12-14)
Around the time of his return there will also be a resurrection. (Dan 12:2, Is 26:19, 1Thess 4:16-17). With this resurrection, those who are in Heaven will receive a new body, known as a resurrection body. When Christ rose from the dead, he was the first to have this new resurrected body which we know is capable of eating, drinking, touching, talking, etc. (See 1 Cor 15)
So one day, everyone who has gone to Heaven (or is alive in Christ at his return) will receive a new, physical resurrection body, return to earth with Christ (Jud 1:14) and then physically reign and rule with Christ for 1000 years here on the earth. That means your lost children that you never saw will one day have a resurrection body that can be touched, hugged, seen, etc. One can only imagine what this will be like! This is great news for all of us that have lost children and it brings me great hope and joy!
A Very Important Thing
There is an extremly important thing we must mention though. Your lost child is alive in heaven today. However, you cannot join your lost child if you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Christ is the only way to Heaven. There is no other way to get to Heaven except through Jesus Christ. (John 14:6)
But the good news is, everyone is invited to receive Christ as their personal Lord and Savior and join the family of God in Heaven. First you must recognize that everyone of us here is a sinner and our sins must be forgiven to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only the Son of God, Jesus Christ, provided the one way of forgiveness through his death on the cross. When Jesus died on the cross he took the punishment of sin in our place. So if we surrender our lives to Him through Faith and Repentance then our sins are forgiven.
Friends, your lost children are in Heaven and you can see them, talk to them, touch them and live with them again one day. But that is only possible if you ask Christ to forgive your sins and make Him the Lord of your life !